A wave of quiet has washed across women all over this country. Once very chatty teenage girls, this week we find ourselves at a loss for words. We are women who share so much. We are many… years and years of girls from a small boarding school in Greenfield, Massachusetts. We don’t know each other outside of our overlapping years yet empathize and sympathize with each other today. We are the women of Stoneleigh Burnham, owls for life, and affectionally referred to by our teacher, coach, college counselor, and friend Tom Iampietro as “Stoneleigh Nation.”
We all have our stories about the man who lifted us, got on our cases, pushed us, listened to us, teased us, encouraged us, and even let us have it. He laughed with us and at us. He was expressive and we all could read those expressions with ease. The looks he would give us were both priceless and endearing and at times terrifying. He taught us, coached us, counseled us, and shared so much. We knew his stories, we knew his heros. He showed us so much of his life. We saw his admiration for his wife Canny and for his family. We knew about his education and his favorite places. He modeled pride, admiration, and sportsmanship. He modeled love, friendship, joy, and the appreciation for teens in their formative years. All of us have both hilarious and poignant stories about Tom, great, hysterical, touching tales that are SO TOM. And he knew about all of us. He really knew each one of us. He got us. He connected with us, he connected us with each other, and he pushed us to be the best we could. Often with us pushing back!
I arrived on the Stoneleigh Burnham campus in 10th grade. A kid from a boarding school family, who was both excited to be following in my parents and brother’s footsteps and in despair of what I would miss out on back at my public high school. I was not a student. I’d lost my beloved mother at age 7 and by 5th grade took very little interest in school work, I’d focused more on friends, after school activities, and my own personal book choices. Stoneleigh was just perfect for me. I immediately loved my new school and the girls. I’d found my girl gang, all 200 of them. I also found my academic foothold upon my arrival and wore my soccer jersey with pride. I was hearing a hub bub from the older girls about the wonderful classes they were taking with Tom (and with his wife and amazing teacher Canny). In Junior year I took specialized classes about historic events and government structures including the Supreme Court, the history of the 60s, and the Vietnam war, all subjects Tom was both knowledgable and passionate about. He passed that passion on to us. At 16 years old Tom changed my life by making me feel confident and engaged in all areas of academics. He made me feel smart for the first time and at a very important age. It gave me confidence that has greatly impacted who I am today. When I was in graduate school he began calling me “Doc” and “Professor”. I pleaded with him not to, pointed out to him many times that I had Masters Degrees but nothing that would warrant those titles. It didn’t stop him, he continued and he would just tell me over and over how proud he was of me. I debated writing this piece on Tom, I was afraid it was too much or too soon. I worried about causing any more grief to my grieving Stoneleigh sisters who have spent so much more time with him over the many years since graduation. I also knew in my heart that Tom would be the very first one to encourage me to speak up and put my words on the page, to use my voice and express myself … if it was about someone other than him!!
Like the rest of you I have some really hilarious Tom stories. At the moment, as I process the deep grief of his loss, I am also deep in the memories. I’m finding it a little safer hovering in the past than thinking about a future without him. I’m writing my Tom stories down. I encourage you to write yours too. Somehow, somewhere these tales should be collected and combined. I suspect the Horace Greeley, Stoneleigh Burnham, and Hamden Hall kids would share great joy in reading the progression of our cheerleader over the ages. My friends and I are the products of the young teacher Tom. I first realized this shocking fact when a bunch of us were hanging out in his office one evening, a regular event which usually amounted to lots of laughter and the exchange of some hilarious barbs. Tom said something which blew my mind. Somehow he let a fact slip. I can’t remember what it was, maybe the year of his high school graduation? … but all of a sudden I was absolutely dumbfounded. While all the other girls were gabbing away, I quickly did the math and confirmed I was correct. Tom was the same age as my brother!! …. he was in his mid twenties!! What?!?! We had been completely fooled into thinking he was a certified grown up by a wife and a beard! That man was the same age Justin Bieber is now! He was a kid. I looked at him and whispered “Oh my god, you are 27!!” He turned his back to the other girls in the room, looked very firmly at me with that typical Tom look and said “Do.not.tell.anyone.” We laughed and laughed about this years later.
No one was a bigger cheerleader for Stoneleigh Burnham than Tom. Facebook and instagram have been a huge gift to us all. We have all kept in constant contact for years. We have watched his family grow and his complete joy as he became a grandfather. We have cheerfully followed Tom and Canny’s adventures. I loved seeing his proud photos with my former classmates and their children. We have watched his posts to each other encouraging, coaching, and building us all up just as he did in the early years. . And we had easy access to communicating with him, our forever coach, teacher, and beacon in the storm. I have taken particular satisfaction that Hamden Hall made me him chaperone trips to Disney of all places! I envy you HH folks, witnessing that. Must have been hilarious. I’d give anything to see him complain and roll his eyes and watch him secretly love it. I particularly loved that he taught boys for the last many years of his career. I would have paid hard cash to see that, which I liked to tell him regularly. I joke, but really, I wished I’d been there. More importantly, I wish my own children had had the opportunity to be there. I read one of the posts by one of his male students that said he was a “better man having known Tom”. I love that. I also loved seeing Tom wish all my classmates happy birthday. How cool is that?! This man sent personalized birthday messages to his 2000 facebook friends every year. You could hear his voice in every message.
Long after leaving Stoneleigh Tom has continued to gathered us electronically, raised the owl call to action, and encouraged us to support our beloved school. His heart was in Greenfield long after he and Canny and the pups had moved on. His notes to us were humble, encouraging, and firm. He reminded us that we were a family and that we were tied together by our special school.
Last night I went though Tom and my electronic correspondences. So many times I sought his counsel regarding my children, or I teased him, or I thanked him for instilling my interest in politics and knowledge of the US Government. I took great pleasure in seeing his quips to my daughter on instagram. My last facebook message from Tom on December 4th ended with “How are you, world traveler? What a life you have made for yourself!!” It takes my breath away.
When I began to find my voice following the news of Tom’s passing I reached out to my (step) mother to share my grief. I loved her response, she said that my father was in heaven waiting for Tom. It made me think of my school friends, the many of us who have lost parents and grandparents who loved and admired Tom as well. The thought of all the parents greeting Tom with love leaves me both smiling and sobbing. He’s their hero too.